Photo: Apple TV+
Fire up the “North American Scum” friends because the buccaneers are back. And also, The Buccaneers. Surprising absolutely no one who devoured season one, we find our American girls who have taken over London society in the midst of some juicy drama. Part of that is because they just can’t help but be involved in drama — crisis is their baseline. But mostly, it is because season two picks up exactly where the finale left off, which, if you recall, was very much dealing with the juiciest of drama: The nuptials of the Duke and Duchess of Tintagel (or Theo and Nan).
Why so dramatic? Let me count the ways. The night before the wedding, Nan’s true love, poor person (relatively speaking) Guy spider-crawled up to her window where he professed to be “hopelessly, irretrievably, overpoweringly in love” despite the fact that she is supposed to marry his friend, the Duke, Theo. The two proceed to have sex. It is very good. Nan is going to call off the wedding. Until! Her sister Jinny reveals that her piece of shit husband, Lord Seadown, has been beating her, and she is pregnant, and she doesn’t know what to do. Nan eventually brokers a deal with the Dowager Duchess of Tintagel, who saw her and Guy, in which Nan will go through with marrying Theo so as not to tarnish the Tintagel name and lineage. In turn, the Dowager will help Jinny escape and keep her safe. Of course, to do this, the Dowager sends Jinny off to safety with Guy as guard. They promise never to tell Theo anything about this deal. And it works! Jinny and Guy flee the premises to the tune of Taylor Swift’s “Long Live” (it is The Buccaneers’ way), and Nan marries Theo. Oh, and on top of this, Nan’s parents, Patti and Tracy, learn that Nan’s biological mother has arrived to stir shit up, and Richard is informed that his father is dying, so instead of being able to run away to America, he and Conchita will have to stay in London and deal with his family’s debts. So, like I said, there’s a lot going on.
You’d think Nan would be relieved that her plan worked but that relief lasts for about thirty seconds. Then she’s off having panic attacks in the woods. She hates lying to Theo (who looks so happy, poor thing), and also, she is very much in love with Guy. She needs to give her husband the absolute worst wedding present imaginable and come clean. It’s the Dowager who finds Nan in the woods and proceeds to give her a real doozy of a pep talk, which basically amounts to: be obedient or we all pay the price. Nan refuses to hear that and tells her mother-in-law that she will make her own decisions, thank you very much, but even Nan knows that a woman in her situation has zero good options.
She does wind up getting a second pep talk, however, and one from a surprising source: her biological mother. It’s true: Nan’s bio mom made her way to Tintagel! And she turns out to be Leighton Meester! Oh, and more importantly, I guess, she is Nell, Patti’s little sister. Feel free to gasp, should you feel the need. Their initial conversations are, let’s say, strained. They both harbor anger toward the other: Patti is still resentful that Nell slept with her husband and that she would have the gall to show up here and upend their lives. Nell is angry that Patti blames everything on her when Tracy had a lot to do with it. Patti’s “he’s a man, I expected it from him” does her zero favors! It only makes Nell angrier when she learns that now, after all this time, Patti is finally standing up for herself and divorcing Tracy. She couldn’t have protected Nell back when all of this started? After all, she was a year younger than Nan is now. If Patti thinks that Nan is “still a child” who deserves to be protected by Patti, why could she not extend those feelings to her own sister all those years ago? Honestly, everyone needs to be, like, thirty percent angrier at Tracy. That man can eat shit.
Nell, at least, has a much less angry conversation with Nan, who still doesn’t know the truth about who Nell is. In fact, thinking Nell is just her long-lost aunt is exactly why she emotionally vomits all over her about her current situation. She tells Nell that she thinks marrying Theo is the biggest mistake of her life. Nell could easily cause chaos but instead chooses kindness. Nan doesn’t know Nell is speaking from experience, but her aunt/mom’s advice is that choosing to save her sister was the right thing to do and the best thing she can do at the moment is try to make the life she has a good one instead of living in regret.
Now, this is advice Nan takes to heart. She finds Theo and tries to make the best of the situation she’s in. She tells him that marrying him is the best decision she’s ever made. For a brief moment, you think that, hey, Nan could really make this work. But then Nan and Theo have sex on the beach, and all Nan can think about is having sex with Guy. So, that’s not a great sign. Even worse? After she tells Theo about Jinny, he makes a comment about how scared she must be out there alone, and Nan does not take this moment to mention that Guy is with her. That seems like it’s going to come back and bite her.
The conversation between Nan and Nell is productive for Nell, too. When Patti comes to see her sister the next morning, both women are softer toward one another. Nell admits that for a while, with Tracy, it was simply a game to flirt with him — she was young and didn’t know better — and when that game turned real, it was too late to get out of that situation. Patti admits that she knows she should’ve protected her sister better. And while they can forgive each other for these sins, they simply cannot get past telling Nan the truth. Patti wants Nell to be a part of the family again, but as Nan’s aunt. Nell says that now, after talking to Nan, after knowing her, she can’t be around her without her knowing the truth. “I don’t want to be someone she’s just polite to,” is a heartbreaking sentence. She promises Patti that she won’t ever tell Nan the truth, but she also can’t keep up the lie.
Patti knows who is really causing harm in their lives, and that is Tracy, not Nell. She makes sure to catch her sister before she leaves Tintagel to inform her that Nell is going to come stay with her and that they’ll be traveling to New York together — she can have Tracy’s ticket. She makes sure to inform Tracy that she should’ve divorced him twenty years ago. Nan is moved to see her mother make amends with her sister, and when she asks how long ago they had their falling out, you can see in Patti’s face that she makes the decision to not be fearful of Nan learning the truth. She doesn’t say it outright, but the moment she tells Nan that it has been 19 years, Nan figures it out. Instead of acknowledging anything, Nell departs with some additional advice for her daughter: “Do something spectacular, your grace,” she tells Nan, encouraging her to be herself no matter what. That stodgy old castle? Well, she should “paint it scarlet.” Now, this is good motherly advice, people! Is the Dowager of Tintagel listening? In the carriage, Nell thanks Patti for this gift she’s given her (and probably a whole bunch of other things, if we really want to get in it.) Outside the carriage, Nan tells her father to very kindly get the hell out of England.
Nan doesn’t exactly have time for her dad’s bullshit anyway; she’s still grappling with her life as a duchess married to someone she does not love. And it doesn’t exactly help that she gave up the man she loved to protect her sister, and yet the news of Jinny running away from her husband while pregnant with his baby, which at this time is akin to kidnapping regardless of the circumstances, is all over the papers. It’s bad enough that they’re accusing Jinny of being crazy, but with her sketch all over the front pages, someone will eventually spot her. And, perhaps, that someone could be Seadown, who confronts Nan while she’s brooding out on the Tintagel moors. That guy is psychotic, and I would absolutely be thrilled if someone (Nan) punched him in the face. For now, he grabs Nan and tells her that he will find Jinny, and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Nan should absolutely tell Theo about this, and that guy should use whatever Duke powers he has to deal with Seadown. If not Duke-to-Lord, then just a husband defending his wife’s honor? Something? Anything? Instead, Nan once again goes to the biggest downer on the planet: Theo’s mother. And once again, she tells Nan that she has taken care of Jinny and there is nothing more to be done. Jinny can’t come home — she would suffer legal consequences since, in case you need to be reminded, women have no rights, but as long as Jinny’s sister is the Duchess, “the law won’t follow her.” Eventually, some other big news story will take up all the oxygen, and Jinny will be left alone. Seadown won’t find her, the Dowager assures Nan. The best thing Nan can do is focus on her Duchess duties, which mostly includes standing by Theo’s side and staying quiet. First up, she has the big Black & White Ball, in which she will be making her official debut as the Duchess. She should go there in her black dress, fade into the background behind Theo, and “show the world how you intend to behave.”
Nan decides to do just that. Only Nan’s idea of how to behave definitely doesn’t match up with the Dowager’s. Everyone might be under the belief that there’s nothing more Nan can do for her sister, but Nan knows there is something: She can make headlines. She can change the conversation. And Nan does exactly that by showing up at the Black & White Ball in a show-stopping red — no, scarlet gown.
The Society Pages
• Lord Brightlingsea’s death is imminent, and while neither he nor his wife wants to talk about what he’s leaving behind for Richard to deal with, Conchita forces the conversation and wants them to consider selling some of their assets. They refuse, even in this financial crisis. It’s up to Conchita and Richard to save the family from ruin, and Conchita comes up with a plan: They’ll mentor and chaperone young American women looking to find an English husband.
• Uh, the Brightlingseas are awful people but admittedly that conversation in which Lord B says he hopes that at least some of the thirty years they spent together managed to be fun and Lady B is choking back tears really got me good.
• It looks like Lizzy might be getting a love story of her own. Theo catches Lizzy and an MP named Hector Robinson making eyes at each other, and he encourages Lizzy to go for it. Theo is Lizzy’s wingman now? Interesting!
• Mabel and Honoria are dancing in secret and still pledging themselves to one another, but both admit that the news of Honoria’s dad’s condition is sad enough on its own, but it also means that soon enough, Honoria will be left to deal with her mother on her own and that could really cause trouble for their secret, budding romance.
• In case you’re wondering, Guy and Jinny end up safely in some small Italian town posing as Mr and Mrs. Thwarte. Something tells me they won’t be left to their own devices for too long.
