Oh, to have been a fly on the wall during the contract negotiations for this television program. I’m dying to know how these things were structured — the rules and obligations Peacock carved out for each cast member. More importantly, I want to know if the expectations and corresponding rates were the same across the board. Is Connor really getting the same rate to wear hideous outfits and say things like, “I wonder if there’s an alligator,” as JaNa and Kaylor, who are doing the absolute most while under emotional duress? I just want these charismatic hotties (i.e. the girlies) to be fairly paid because everyone seems to be having a wretched time and should at least be compensated for damages!
This week, the gang goes to Miami. Kaylor does indeed make it. She talks about her grandma’s death to Leah and Miguel. They’re both earnestly supportive about it, yet wear over-the-ear headphones during the entire conversation. Call me old-fashioned, but if someone’s telling me about their dead relative, I’m pressing pause on the KPop Demon Hunters soundtrack and putting the headphones around my neck at the very least. Liv and Aaron both also texted Kaylor their condolences about Mimi. But more on that later.
Once everyone is settled, it’s time to get ready for dinner. It’s Kordell’s birthday and he snuck away from the set of that Keke Palmer sitch for one night only to make his contractually obligated appearance. Connor puts on tighty whiteys and the kind of quarter zip a 65-year-old woman wears to go hiking in Topanga Canyon. Kaylor Facetimes Torin, the boyfriend she recently went public with. She tells him she just wants to lay in bed and do nothing and not go to this dinner on account of having a tube in her kidney and a newly deceased grandma. While sobbing, she says she’s happy to get away from home and get her mind off of it. Grief is complicated and messy, but perhaps “getting your mind off of it” is best done without a camera crew?
Again, I want to see the contracts, because it’s such a bummer that Kaylor had to do all of this while in physical and emotional pain. I know we see this sort of thing all the time on Real Housewives, but those ladies are clearly seasoned vets at putting on a show using only their personalities. Kaylor, attempting the same thing, feels like watching an injured baby deer try to do TikTok dances while amid an existential crisis.
Speaking of Real Housewives, the entire cast sits down at a long table for dinner. It’s fascinating to see them in this dynamic, as they do not mesh whatsoever. There’s a seating assignment switch-up (classic Bravo), but even once settled, you can feel the producer conversation engineering. Without meddling, the BTV cast would probably just split into PPG and non-PPG — or by gender — and gab for even longer on how asparagus makes your pee smell weird. Unfortunately for Serena’s genuinely concerning anxiety, there is indeed meddling.
JaNa asks Kendall how it’s going “with that girl.” Kendall complains about Alanah, saying he needs someone who will make him “piss laughing,” and his conversation with Nicole made him realize he doesn’t want to have any doubts early on. It opens up a big ol’ debate between Liv and everyone else on whether it was calculated for Nicole to have the conversation with Kendall now instead of any other moment off-camera. Things naturally spiral from there. Every single person at the table is guilty of saving an important conversation for on-camera stakes heightening. Kordell is the lone exception, as he has managed to avoid all conversations on camera that are not about his cat, Milo. This doesn’t make for good reality television, but I love it for his mental state!
They all keep kicking up against the fourth wall until Liv and Kaylor become the main characters by rehashing their summer party drama yet again. Kaylor runs to the bathroom, telling Serena and Leah that Liv has a vendetta against her and it’s evil to do all of this while she’s having a no-good, very bad time. Serena and Leah comfort her and talk about their own experiences with death and the nonlinear nature of grief.
Back at the table, angel Miguel reminds Liv that no one is perfect, Kaylor is really going through it, and perhaps this is not the time nor place for this conversation. Liv doubles down, ranting to Kendall and Connor about love and loyalty. JaNa steps in to try and mediate, but Serena shuts that right down so Kordell can eat his birthday cake in peace. I’ve never been so relieved to see a fog machine and a bunch of bottle girls with sparklers.
The next day, everyone must board a yacht. Kendall goes to Liv’s room to check in after the previous night’s saga. Liv says she feels bad and doesn’t want Kaylor to think she doesn’t care about her grandma dying. Kendall assures her that no one thinks that. I dunno man, surely some people will indeed think that upon watching the footage! He also says the two of them need to move on, but it doesn’t seem like they want to. It’s an astute observation, and I can’t help but wonder what would happen on this show if Kaylor and Liv did fully move on. There is so little other plot besides Kaylor’s seemingly endless personal suffering.
Everyone leaps aboard the boat except for Leah, who is terrified of getting 127 Hours-ed between the dock and the yacht. She sheepishly hobbles. But it’s not like she misses much because nothing really happens on board. Everyone is true to form. Serena takes a nap because she’s overstimulated. JaNa takes the wheel, and Kenny loses his shit over it. Kendall goes off about how his “content game has been next level, bro” since moving to L.A. Aaron posits whether a next-level content game is a worthy pursuit in this one wild and precious life. Liv apologizes to Kaylor, and they agree to be there for each other in the future yet again. Only time will tell how that pans out.
Later in the day, everyone goes to Megan Thee Stallion’s fashion show at Miami Swim Week, except Miguel and Leah (who are busy with “a very important meeting”) and Serena (who is exhausted without her routine and needs to recharge). We get to see extended footage of the swimwear show, and even more footage of Kenny, Kendall, and Connor squirming as they try to figure out how to avoid being creepy or disengaged in the presence of women’s bodies. They then get a meet-and-greet with Meg. She negs the boys and gossips with the girls and is exactly as charming as you’d imagine. Kaylor tries to convince us all that she prefers this lifestyle to the one she lived before the show. A solid attempt!
Next week, it’s the season finale. Connor will refuse to drive Aaron to LAX (broken clocks are occasionally right, etc.)! JaNa and Kenny will further discuss their cohabitation! Torin will continue to age in reverse! I can hardly wait.