Last week, various readers speculated that the best way to save the deck team would be to fire both Tessa and Christian, and that’s exactly what Nathan suggests to Captain Sandy as we open on this week’s episode. Kudos to him for having the courage to decimate half his team. Sandy is pleased with her bosun’s nerve and agrees to start all over. She fires Christian first, citing safety and efficiency concerns. Then she calls Tessa over to the bridge. Nathan talks more to her than he did to Christian, but it’s still Sandy who brings down the knife. “Get on small boats,” Sandy advises, in vain. “Fuck her” is Tessa’s eloquent response. Christian takes the firing well; frankly, he doesn’t even look surprised. Tessa is more resentful, blaming Nathan’s leadership to the bitter end.
Neither of them is inclined to admit to their shortcomings, nor do they seem very hurt. Max can barely contain his excitement. Saying bye to Christian, he can’t help one last provocation: “I tried to tell you one thousand million times.” After the two deckies leave, V asks Kizzi her opinion on the possibility of switching departments. She feels intimidated because the two people who left have more experience than she does, but as Kizzi points out, V had no interior experience at all and is “smashing it” as a stew. V approaches Nathan about it and he promises to speak to the captain. This whole thing with V switching to deck was set up last week, but it stinks of production to me. V had hardly ever mentioned her deck experience until the last episode, and now she is itching to leave the laundry room. I mean, I get it: Anything is better than laundry. But V’s sudden passion for lines feels a little too convenient.
Besides, it feels unfair to Aesha, who ends up short of one person but demonstrates characteristic gameness to put the boat’s needs above her own. In any case, switching V to the deck becomes a temporary, last-case-scenario arrangement. Sandy manages to secure one new deckhand before the charter guests arrive: Last season’s Joe comes back, much to Nathan’s excitement. Nathan describes him as his “best friend” and jokes that if he knew he’d be the one coming back, he’d have fired Christian and Tessa long ago. It’s not until the morning of the new charter that V gets put in the deck/stew position, which retroactively makes Kizzi reconsider acting on her jealousy and encouraging V to switch. Not having V on the team means more work for her.
Before any of that can happen, though, the crew goes out for their earned night off. Kizzi pulls no punches: She starts out by demonstrating to Nathan that she can fit her entire fist in her mouth, then inquires over dinner about the probability of Joe falling in love with her. The boys constantly bring up neglected Tommy’s existence, which Kizzi insists has nothing to do with wanting to feel desired. Max proceeds in creating his own reality: Tommy is no barrier to his bond with Kizzi. He actually seems more worried about Joe, asking Nathan if he can bring his best friend on board as well. Though it begins with rumblings of drama, the night unfolds wholesomely. Aesha checks in with Josh about the upcoming charter, reminding him not to feel obligated to follow the guests’ every whim (oh, Josh, if only you knew what was in store for you); and Nathan tells Max that if he can keep his emotions in check, he’ll put himself on track to become the official deckhand. Their conversation puts Max at ease about Joe’s imminent arrival.
Back in their cabin, Kizzi asks Aesha’s opinion on her relationship in an obvious bid to hear what she wants to hear, which is that she should put Tommy out of his misery. Besides, everyone knows what Aesha thinks about dating and yachting: It’s difficult even when you want to be with the person you’re with. When Joe arrives the next morning, he and Nathan literally jump into each other’s arms. Within one exchange of glances, V and Joe are besotted; within another, Joe and Kizzi are demonstrating interest. Let us remember the absolute shitshow that was Joe’s involvement with Bri and Ellie, both stews, last season. Any sane person would think, Do I seriously want to go through all of that again? But sane people do not work on superyachts, and they most definitely do not sign contracts with Bravo. We know from the moment Joe steps foot on the Bravado that things are going to get messy again.
Meanwhile, Sandy monitors an incoming storm and makes an executive decision to stay on the dock for the charter’s first night. Arriving is primary Ladonna with about half of the world’s most finicky eaters. Two of them are vegan, and as we’ll see, the rest of them have strong opinions. Since the Bravado won’t sail for the night, Sandy plans a land excursion for the guests with the team. Aesha puts V on the job, and Nathan decides to send out Joe. Both of them speak Spanish, and Joe, who grew up not too far away, knows the city well. “Buenos días, guapo,” V offers, immediately setting the tone for their jaunt. Aesha describes their incipient dynamic like this: “That’s a wee little innocent fish and a big bad shark.”
But it might be Kizzi, rather than Joe, who is the shark V needs to watch out for. In the crew mess, V and Joe chat about the boat’s gym when Kizzi offers herself as a barbell for Joe to do bicep curls with. Earlier, when Joe first arrived onboard, V ran to Kizzi to say how attractive she found Joe, innocently demonstrating her interest. I have defended Kizzi for five episodes, but her behavior is starting to become grating. I support any woman’s right to have sex with whomever they wish however often they like, but it’s unbecoming to be desperate for male attention, especially when it means hurting another woman. I know I’m getting ahead of myself here — the guy literally hasn’t been onboard a day — but we all know where this is going …
Mercifully, hookup drama is not the immediate concern of the Bravado’s Barcelona days. Ladonna’s friends complain about every single thing that hits their lunch table. Before their arrival, Josh was feeling confident in his ability to deliver on good vegan options — he lived on a vegan hippie commune for nine months, where he harvested his own food and did other things involving bowel movements and photoshoots that we don’t have to discuss right now, as I would prefer to forget them. Already on the lineup, before he has even come onboard, guest/villain Carlos gives him a hard time: “We’re vegan,” he announces, as if Josh doesn’t know.
But knowing ahead of time sadly does nothing to minimize the stress of serving Carlos food. After Sandy breaks the news about weathering the storm on dock — which, to be fair, the guests take pretty well, though at first Josh worried that it would dampen their mood — interior starts rolling out Josh’s meticulously prepared lunch. He serves salads, zucchini, corn, oysters and caviar, Hamachi tuna, butter beans, radishes, cucumbers and tomatoes, on top of chickpea and tomato stew. Half the guests don’t want to eat the food, and the other half doesn’t think it’s enough food. Carlos complains that it’s not hearty enough a meal and that it all seems like “appetizers,” though maybe, just maybe, he’d be sated if he ate what was on offer. Instead, people start ordering things: Can the oysters be fried? Can they have a vegan wrap? Some French fries? Some prawns?
These guests have obviously failed to consider that they’re not at a restaurant — they’re on a boat, which is big compared to other boats and very small compared to, well, anything else. There is only one person making food; there is no menu. You can’t customize your order when there is no menu! Still, Carlos — who, I’d like to emphasize, is not the primary — decides to visit the galley after lunch to have a talk with the chef and demand more “creativity.” Josh promises a big, filling spread for dinner, and on the way out, Carlos throws out his wrap in front of the chef. Josh would’ve been justified to lose his mind then and there, but he goes to check in with Ladonna about dinner. They agree to serve the meal family style to accommodate everyone’s dietary quirks, and then Ladonna and her friend Chandra begin ordering again. Can they have pasta and risotto and fried chicken wings and snapper and vegan options?
As Josh questions his life choices and Kizzi and Aesha set up for the Americana cowboy-themed dinner, V and Joe take the guests on their excursion and avail themselves of the opportunity to flirt in the wild. On the Bravado, Kizzi tells Nathan that she finds Joe attractive and that it’s hard to remember her gentleman at home when she’s horny. Impending boatmance implosion aside, the deck team seems rejuvenated by Joe’s arrival. Nathan and Joe goof off all day while still managing to get things done, and Nathan is impressed by V when she shows him how well she can throw a line. Aesha needs V to help with cabins, so Nathan helps with dinner service. At least for now, the two departments are operating like a well-oiled machine.
Though dinner is shaping up to redeem lunch’s disaster, Carlos is determined to rain on Josh’s parade. He starts complaining that he’s hungry in the vans on the way back, and not even Aesha’s welcome Jell-O shots can lift his mood: There’s pork in Jell-O. In direct opposition to Aesha’s advice that he doesn’t have to appease the guests’ every whim, Josh makes steak, corn, fish, vegan mashed potatoes and regular mashed potatoes, vegan pasta, and tomato-beet salad with cucumbers and pomegranate, along with chicken and garlic mushrooms for dinner. The guests all appreciate his effort and like the food, except, of course, Carlos. He doesn’t think there are enough minerals in his meal. After throwing a tantrum for being served salad for lunch, he now complains there are no healthy greens for dinner. He wants greens, but not salads. Astounded, Aesha tells Josh what she heard. It upsets him so bad, he leaves the boat to get some air. I guess that’s one advantage of being stuck on dock. The downside is that there is still a whole other day with these guests.
