Give Nicole Byer her own late-night show. I know we’re not really doing those anymore, but give one to her anyway. As the guest host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! this week, Byer was a hoot and a half. She handled Timothy Olyphant like a champ when he tried to steer the interview and defended the legacy of Conan O’Brien while doing it. She teared up at Sonic the Hedgehog. And the chemistry between her and Kimmel’s backup boys, Guillermo and Lou Wilson, was palpable.
If you were charmed by Byer this week on Kimmel, she has plenty of podcasts through which to continue a parasocial relationship. That’s the kind of exposure and booked-ness that being a late-night host used to confer. In many ways, the life of a podcast polymath is way easier than that of a late-night host. But what do we give up when we abandon broadcast TV and its shiny floors? A ton of union jobs, for one thing. But also a certain grandeur, or pomp, that the monoculture used to confer — and sometimes still can. When a late-night moment breaks through to the Pop Craves of the world, it’s electric. And No. 5 on this list did that.
Dame Helen Mirren: ‘Tomatoes Are Bisexual’
Jimmy Fallon’s hobby garden continues to pay dividends. This week, he made Helen Mirren and Pierce Brosnan try his fresh salsa — which some might see as more of a pico de gallo, but that’s neither here nor there. What permeated the general culture was when Mirren said tomatoes were bisexual (I think she meant hermaphroditic and/or self-pollinating?) and that the best way to get big juicy ones is to tickle (finger) the flowers. And who are we to dispute a Dame of the Realm’s knowledge? I saw the bisexual-tomato quote without context all over the internet all week, and let’s just say it’s really tickled me.
Seth Rogen Is Kristen Doute
This would be higher if they’d let Rogen be his fave, Scheana Shay. WWHL’s “Clubhouse Playhouse” got the big guns, a.k.a. Bravo superfan Seth Rogen as well as his friend who seems pretty agnostic, Rose Byrne. They reenacted the iconic “Suck a dick” scene from Vanderpump Rules season three, the offense that finally got Kristen Doute fired from SUR. The scene is important to the VPR canon, and Rogen brought the appropriate gravitas. But he should have been Scheana.
Sharon Stone Used to Fax Her Ass?
I once had the privilege of seeing Sharon Stone interviewed by New York’s art critic, Jerry Saltz. She talked about her near-death experience(s) and growing up in Podunk, Pennsylvania. Stone is a force of nature, and even the forcefully eccentric personality of Saltz kind of had to hold on for dear life during the talk. Seth Meyers handled himself with similar grace and aplomb when Hurricane Sharon blew into 30 Rock. She’s gonna riff, and you’re gonna like it, okay? Stone is a national treasure, and her stories of prank calling in her hometown should go in the Louvre next to her paintings. Sure, she talked about her current projects, but there was always that element of danger, a “What tangent will she take next?” vibe that elevated the piece above a normal chat.
Who’s Green-lighting Nicole Byer’s Dating Show?
As previously discussed, Nicole Byer absolutely freaked it on Jimmy Kimmel Live! this week. That includes the clip she shared of her podcast, Why Won’t You Date Me?, when Kimmel announcer Lou Wilson reminded her that, in fact, they did go on one date — and kissed! In fairness to her, the date was in 2020, and we’ve all memory-holed a lot of that year. The podcast clip perfectly set up a game in which Byer had one woman speed-date on Hollywood Boulevard. I can’t think of a worse place to do that, but Byer made it look fun and not like Inland Empire at all. That is talent, folks.
Margaret Qualley Joins the Talk-Show Starlet Hall of Fame
Every once in a while, an actress will be a menace on a talk show. Think Drew Barrymore on Letterman, Madonna on Letterman, probably some others on Letterman, but also Tom Cruise on Oprah. More recently, Meg Stalter on Colbert and WWHL. It delivers an important, almost Dionysian catharsis for the public. Nobody is allowed to let their freak flag fly, so when a famous person does so on network TV, we all get away with something. It’s electric when a starlet is weird, and Margaret Qualley bullying Jimmy Fallon into doing her interview lying face down on his desk definitely qualifies. It had the energy of a popular girl goading the AV geek to humiliate himself for her amusement. Props to Jimmy for being down with the humiliation ritual. May your tomatoes be plentiful.
