Photo: Karolina Wojtasik/HBO
And we’re off to the races. I need catty asides in my period dramas, and this need can best be served at a gathering. In our premiere, everyone was too separated. Now they’re all crashing into one another, and I am a fan. Loose meteorites, the lot of them!! The more crashes we get, the more collateral damage, which in this case will be something like, “Mrs. Astor has uninvited me from next month’s charity bazaar in aid of lightly injured polo ponies.” *horrified gasps*
Gladys has run off, and at first, it seems like she has escaped Consuelo Vanderbilt’s destiny and eloped with the uninspiring-but-seemingly-okay Billy. The servants are in a tizzy. Larry is cross with Bertha for driving Gladys to this. But then we find out that Gladys is just staying at Billy’s home (in a respectable way, you pervs). Gladys! You cannot evade the Wheels of Fate, a.k.a. Bertha’s plans, unless you take big and irrevocable swings! To be honest, even if she had eloped with Billy, I’m not positive Bertha couldn’t have just undone the marriage and hushed it up with her gobs of money. Gladys would have had to out-scheme Bertha, and I think we all know that Gladys isn’t up for that challenge.
When Bertha collects Gladys from the Carlton family, Mrs. Carlton (hello again, Broadway legend Victoria Clark!) tries to smooth things over for the couple. Seeing that Bertha is implacably set against the marriage, Mrs. Carlton mentions that her great-grandfather signed the Declaration of Independence and wonders what Bertha’s ancestors were doing. I don’t know, man, but maybe it was something not directly involved in deleting the condemnation of slavery from our nation’s founding document.
No more delays on the Update on Peggy’s Health. I admit to being very concerned about Peggy last week, and I try not to absorb too much information about the season before and as it airs. I was genuinely worried they were going to kill off Peggy. She was coughing so much! But instead, her illness provides a reason for Audra McDonald and Christine Baranski to sit in a room together, mere moments (years) after the end of The Good Fight. I know the answer to this is “acting,” but I still don’t know how they were able to do these scenes together without losing it. The vibes! The vibes are so different!
Dorothy is there because Peggy’s illness means her parents are coming to visit. Dorothy tries to go through the servants’ entrance, but Arthur won’t have it, and they enter, along with the doctor they’ve brought, through the front. Agnes has them sit in the parlor with her while the handsome doctor attends to Peggy. So handsome! Let’s hope he’s not married. So many men on this show are married. He asks for hot water for Peggy’s feet. I want hot water for my feet! I know the heat index is like 112, but the heart wants what it wants. Peggy slowly improves, thank God. Agnes tells the Scotts that her family was brought up to be well mannered toward everyone, and that’s what she does. Arthur replies that he doesn’t think good manners are an effective cure for 250 years of slavery. Indeed! They bond over being parents, and we are all grateful for Audra McDonald and Christine Baranski.
Downstairs, Miss Armstrong continues to be racist. “I’m only saying what everyone is thinking.” “No one is thinking that.” I see you, 2025 vibes! The other servants are only concerned with who is actually in charge of the household now that Ada has all the money (it’s Ada!), and also will Ada make them sign the temperance pledge. As a side note to this pledge, some temperance pledges allowed for beer and wine. The word teetotaler comes from those who advocated for a total (get it?) abstention from alcohol. In my opinion, the movement’s insistence on this shift to complete abstinence is part of what sunk it. But we’re not here to listen to my opinions on the fall of the temperance movement, however correct they may be. The servants don’t want to sign the pledge, and when Ada asks Marian, Marian says no and, in a moment of amazing boundary holding, says sincerely, “I’m sorry if that makes you unhappy.”
Okay, you’ve been waiting for it, I’ve been waiting for it, Gladys has been waiting for it: George is home! When he gets there, he immediately sees JP Morgan. Film and TV veteran Bill Camp manages to make JP Morgan so compelling. I never thought I’d want to see more of JP Morgan in my programs, but here I am. George and JP talk about George’s Big Railroad Idea, which JP calls a feat to rival Moses parting the Red Sea. It’s a huge risk with a potentially huge reward, and JP will support it, but if George fails, he’s on his own. Could this be foreshadowing?! I am concerned about the Big Railroad Idea. If this were the musical version of The Gilded Age, George could take this moment to sing “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman.
Bertha and Gladys come home post–Gladys fleeing to Billy’s, and George kisses Bertha on the cheek. On the cheek? Do you have any idea what 2025 is dealing with on the daily? Do you know the emotional toll? And you give us CHEEK KISS? Gladys tells George about being sold to Hector, the Duke, etc., etc.; she wants George to protect her, so she leaves. George and Bertha start making out on the couch (great), but then it cuts to the KITCHEN. WHY? Do I have to read fanfic to make up for this? Straight fanfic? During Pride?
That’s the most we get from George and Bertha, despite there being a bedroom scene. The bedroom scene is a debate about Gladys’s future and who calls the shots. Bertha tells George that he can have a say about Gladys’s marriage when Bertha is in his boardroom, offering ideas about railroads and steel mills. She’s trying to give Gladys power through this marriage, but has she met Gladys?
Before getting to The End of Gladys and Billy, we have to talk about the Fane situation. Aurora and Charles are supposed to host the Young Women’s Christian Association that week, but Charles isn’t responding to Aurora’s letters. I know he wants a divorce, but also he’s giving Aurora zero compassion, zero understanding, and 100 percent “what if I act like a total dick?” At the YWCA event, Aurora tells people, including Mrs. Astor, that Charles is ill and can’t attend. Donna Murphy, thank God you’re there; I’ve missed you. Charles ends up coming to the event and bringing his mistress. Mrs. Astor sees what’s going on and leaves, and Charles tells Aurora that the woman he’s with didn’t even want to come, but he made her? Agnes shuts Charles down in a very satisfying way, but what would be more satisfying is if someone could crush all his hopes and dreams.
The YWCA event is somehow the moment where Billy is supposed to ask George if he can marry Gladys. Billy walks up to George, who is speaking with two other gentlemen, and immediately acts like a chickenshit and bows out. This works out for him, because Bertha has already told Mrs. Carlton at this party that if Billy doesn’t back off, he will never get another job, and the Russells will disinherit Gladys. BERTHA. Meanwhile, the John Adams descendant is over here telling Oscar he loves and believes in him and will give him money to invest and get him back on his feet. John Adams descendant redemption!
Larry and Marian are still sneaking around, but in a way where literally everyone knows what they’re up to. Larry could have kissed Marian in the extremely private alcove of the servants entrance, but instead, he’s like, oh wait, let’s jump into this parked carriage with entirely open windows and many people walking nearby. A perfect place to make out. Really missing the Bridgerton carriage scene about now. At least there was some nod to privacy there. I do really like Larry and Marian, though, even if Larry had some surprising chemistry with Jack the Clock Boy during Jack’s suit fitting. Larry was even holding a phallic cigarette the whole time. I do think it’s likely that Harry Richardson, who plays Larry, is just very good at having chemistry with people. But also I hope he and Marian get married and are happy forever and ever.
We end with the dinner for Hector the Duke. Immediately, before it begins, Billy covertly calls on Gladys and tells her their love is “no longer practical” and it’s over. Not cool, Billy. But also, if you suck this much, it’s probably for the best. Oh no, am I the Bertha now? Hector has brought his attorney, which stuns George. He tells Gladys that he’ll take care of it. Will you, George?
Gossip Items for Mrs. Astor’s Next Ball
• I heard Charles Fane is a real pile of shit; pass it on.
• Marian and Larry making out in a parked carriage — dumb or exhibitionist? Or both!
• Don’t you just feel like Agnes van Rhijn and Dorothy Scott could work at a law firm together? I know that sounds specific and so beyond the times in which we live, but I can see it.